When Confidence Wanes

Isn’t it remarkable how you can be cruising along at the top of your game, when BAM!! something seemingly out of nowhere crushes your spirit and shakes your confidence?

Yes, this happens to everyone at one time or another. The question is, what will you do about it when it happens to you?

 
Ironically, REAL confidence—the confidence that comes from knowing yourself, your power, and your resilience well—is not easily shaken. When we are conscious of our true selves and accept all our quirks, regardless of how annoying they may seem, there is nothing to rise above. We simply stand in our own power, authentically being one with ourselves.

We often confuse egoism with confidence. Egoism is all about gratifying the ego. When we are being fueled by accomplishments, praise, and other complimentary lusts, we are always looking to the outer world to satisfy us. Then, when things are going well, we’re happy. We feel confident. When they’re not, we quickly wonder what’s wrong. That feeling of confidence vanishes, and we throw ourselves toward something, or someone, that will fill us up and restore the shaky balance of our ego.

Over and over again, we repeat this pattern. It becomes second nature. Yet we can’t understand why we’re never quite satisfied, nor why we continually race forward as though our lives depend upon it.

To achieve real, lasting confidence requires a different approach—one not often embraced by popular culture. It takes some honest introspection because when we’re truly confident, what the rest of the world thinks of us is irrelevant.

So how might you get to this place of REAL, lasting confidence? For starters, consider these five confidence principles:

1. Embrace humility. Being humble is not about becoming soggy milk toast. Humility is simply the opposite of pride. It’s a state of mind of knowing that you have gifts to share, but recognizing that those gifts are no more special than another’s gifts…they’re just different.

2. Let go of the need to WIN. Naturally, everyone likes to win. The issue becomes when winning is the ultimate goal—the only goal. How realistic is it, honestly, to believe that you will always succeed at everything you try? It’s pretty unrealistic. Yet many of us live and die by our wins, setting ourselves up for inevitable disappointment. Instead, view every experience as an opportunity to learn and to grow. Regardless of how things turn out, there is always something to be gained by taking your best shot. Confidence is dramatically increased when you KNOW there is NOTHING to lose.

3. Accept what is. Acceptance is a powerful tool in the confidence toolkit. When we accept what IS, rather than fighting it, we preserve precious energy. There’s no need to categorize an experience as “good” or “bad”; no reason to continually mull things over; and there’s no place for judgment. Essentially, there’s nothing to change -- only experiences to learn from. One of the most incredible lessons in confidence is that of ACCEPTING FEAR. Believe it or not, by acknowledging when you are afraid of something, it automatically lessens its power over you.

4. Master your skill. Whatever the endeavor, there’s no doubt you will be more confident when you have practiced it repeatedly until it becomes second nature. Athletics is a perfect example of skill mastery. Though many athletes are naturally gifted, they would never reach the pinnacle of their sport without a LOT of practice. The same holds true for anything we do. If we are 100% confident in our abilities, it requires mastering our chosen trade through study, experience, and repetition. That way, when we step up to the plate, we’re able to perform from a place of KNOWING…knowing that we’re totally prepared, and that we’ve done this successfully many times before.

5. Trust your intuition. I find that many entrepreneurs think themselves out of confidence. They may analyze a perceived obstacle from every angle. Or, they might try to out-think a prospective client by preparing for every conceivable objection before even making the call. By the time they finally do pick up the phone, they’re thinking more about their own thoughts than they are about connecting with the person at the other end of the line. As a result, confidence is dashed.

Naturally, we want to prepare for our big opportunities. And thinking has its place. The trick is to recognize when it’s time to let go and trust that you will know, IN THE MOMENT, what course of action to take, or what to say to that person to help him/her see your point of view. Now that you know confidence is always within your reach, how will YOU master it?